What Can I Do? What Can We Do?

When the Doctor told me I have Alzheimer’s Disease, I thought:  “I’m going down.  My life will be over.” 

I am a retired nurse who worked in different places.  I started as a nurse’s aide in a nursing home.  After getting my degree, I was then an RN at a hospital.  Lastly, I was a caregiver in people’s homes. 

As a nurse, there were times I would sit with my patients to listen to their fears and joys, crying or laughing with them.  Sometimes I would sit at the side of the bed, holding their hands as they left this life.  Sadly, I could not always be there with them because I had more patients to care for.  They got their meds, their food, help to the bathroom, to a shower; but they didn’t always get to talk about their feelings, their hopes, their joys, and their fears. 

I knew that I was going to die some day, but not so soon.  I’m 67 years old, but my Mom is 90.  Too early!  I will not be able to do the things I have put off, because I’m going down.  I am remembering that my patients were alive, had goals, thoughts and emotions just like me.  I am scared because I have taken care of many patients who had different forms of dementia (Alzheimer’s Disease is one of the forms).  I know what it is going to do to me and my family.  I am the patient now.  And I don’t like it.  I’m going down.  I don’t have a choice!  Can’t do anything!  Going down. 

Then one day, something happened.  Words came into my mind.  “Sara, you are alive, and able to do things.  So go get off of your butt and do them.  You are not alone.” 

There are many things I can do … alone or with others.  Even those days when I’m feeling up and down, I can remember I am alive.  I can cry.  I can yell.  I can laugh, or dance or sing out loud.  I can connect with my family, friends and others I meet.  We can talk and share our stories or listen to the stories of others.  I can always know my Higher Power will be with me, even when the time comes when I will no longer remember it. 

We have been blessed with gifts we can continue to use for now.  We have a chance to do some of the things we wanted to do but had been putting off.  It is amazing what God can do for us!!