A Dolphin song for Lee

I just finished watching the TV program, “Highway to Heaven.”  The primary characters in this show from the 1980s were God (the “Boss”), Jonathan (an angel) and Mark (the sidekick).  The episode I saw was:  “A Dolphin Song for Lee.” 

Lee is a teenager that has cancer.  She is living on the edge of death and is depressed.  She loves dolphins.  The dolphins are in danger because when fishermen pull up their nets, the dolphins are picked up in the nets, too.  Lee wants to make a difference in our Creation.  She wants to save the dolphins, but she feels she can’t.  Her younger sister tells Lee she can make a difference; that she’s alive and can still follow her dreams.  And, she was right.  Lee did it.  Lee was able to get a bill passed through Congress to protect the dolphins. 

Lee did not do this on her own:  She had her Mom, Dad, Younger Brother/ Sister, and Doctor there for her.  There were friends, neighbors, community members, as well as Jonathan and Mark, supporting her.  Her best supporter was her God.  Lee was not alone.  God was with Lee!

Lee knew she was dying soon, and she asked her family not to grieve.  Lee had gone through denial, depression, and anger, acceptance and now has peace.  She was ready to go home.

I cried on and off through the show.  Sometimes I cried due to sadness, sometimes due to joy.  I could connect with Lee.  She was sick, I am sick.  She had cancer, I have Alzheimer’s Disease.  Different sicknesses but we both are going to die earlier then we planned. 

Both of us have been blessed to have God as our supporter.

Both of us have our family, our friends, our community, our doctors, and our brothers and sisters in Christ around the world supporting us.

Lee reminded me I am alive.  I can make a difference in God’s creation. 

Lee made a difference for her dolphins.  Before she died she even swam with a dolphin.  (Smile)

What will be my dolphin?

When I get to Heaven, What will I do?

When I get to Heaven, What will I do?

There are times that we need to talk to God, we need to write.   I Did!

I have questions!

When I  leave my body, how  do I get to heaven. Walk up steps?

Fly with the Angels?  Or, just be there,

Will I just stand in Awe?  Be on my knees?  Or flat on my face?

Will I sing to God?

Will God and Christ be waiting for me?  Will I wait for them to talk to me?

Will I praise them?

Will I be standing in front of the throne as they share my life with me?  Oops!

Will I be crying, laughing, or just a big smile?

Will I see my family and friends that went before  me?

Will I ask for forgiveness to those I hurt?

Will I ask the Trinity to forgive me?

Will Jesus teach me what to do in heaven?

Will I fly, walk, run, crawl to get around heaven?

Will I ask “Why?”  Or, I will know?

Will I be talking or listening?

Does it matter???

Thank you, God for listening to me.

The answer is:   Sara wait!

What Can I Do? What Can We Do?

When the Doctor told me I have Alzheimer’s Disease, I thought:  “I’m going down.  My life will be over.” 

I am a retired nurse who worked in different places.  I started as a nurse’s aide in a nursing home.  After getting my degree, I was then an RN at a hospital.  Lastly, I was a caregiver in people’s homes. 

As a nurse, there were times I would sit with my patients to listen to their fears and joys, crying or laughing with them.  Sometimes I would sit at the side of the bed, holding their hands as they left this life.  Sadly, I could not always be there with them because I had more patients to care for.  They got their meds, their food, help to the bathroom, to a shower; but they didn’t always get to talk about their feelings, their hopes, their joys, and their fears. 

I knew that I was going to die some day, but not so soon.  I’m 67 years old, but my Mom is 90.  Too early!  I will not be able to do the things I have put off, because I’m going down.  I am remembering that my patients were alive, had goals, thoughts and emotions just like me.  I am scared because I have taken care of many patients who had different forms of dementia (Alzheimer’s Disease is one of the forms).  I know what it is going to do to me and my family.  I am the patient now.  And I don’t like it.  I’m going down.  I don’t have a choice!  Can’t do anything!  Going down. 

Then one day, something happened.  Words came into my mind.  “Sara, you are alive, and able to do things.  So go get off of your butt and do them.  You are not alone.” 

There are many things I can do … alone or with others.  Even those days when I’m feeling up and down, I can remember I am alive.  I can cry.  I can yell.  I can laugh, or dance or sing out loud.  I can connect with my family, friends and others I meet.  We can talk and share our stories or listen to the stories of others.  I can always know my Higher Power will be with me, even when the time comes when I will no longer remember it. 

We have been blessed with gifts we can continue to use for now.  We have a chance to do some of the things we wanted to do but had been putting off.  It is amazing what God can do for us!!

Struggling

Back in Nov, 1-2010, I was struggling with God.

  Sad?   Pity?. Mad?  Fearful?    All of them?

I know the word I want to say.

I wonder if I don't want to say that word, where is that word????  

As I am thinking, I almost had the word. I am sad!

Well, I will wait and ask God!

God said:  Depression!  

WHAT????  Me!

I am down.  I am having a pity party in my bed. I am sad about lose of words.

I am angry at me and God.

More then angry, I am MAD!

I am mad more at me. 

I am also afraid that I will lose all my words, .

I need to deal with it. 

I am not mad at God, It is not Gods fault. It is in my genes. My mom has Alzheimer's disease and my Grandmother, also.  And, some of my food and drinks didn't help, etc.

God, how do I stop crying?  

 Listen!   

 God Answered !

Sara, go to your Blessing Journal on Sept 7-2010   Alzheimer Sucks!  

 I am now smiling .

 Thank You my God for reminding  me that You are here and will give me the words I need.

One day at a Time

One Day at a Time

My life has to be focused on one day at a time.   Being a Alzheimer person I need to focus.  I don’t know what will happen today.  Will I be happy, mad, angry?  Will I laugh or cry (good cry or bad cry?)

Will I remember to go to the  Senior Service at 10:00am?  Yes I will today.  They have a group called Dublin Club.  It is focused on helping persons that have Memory Loss.

Any one can have memory loss now and then.  Most of the time, when we are losing a lot of memories we know we need help.  We could loss names, words,  letters etc.  Today, I do remember that I am going to the club.  I need it

The first time I was going to the club, I didn’t what to go.  I was afraid. Did not know anyone there!  Did not think they would understand me! Did not what to be the only Alzheimer person there!.   I knew  though that I needed it.  Just for that day.  I stayed there.  And, it was a blessing to me.  God was with me.

Alzheimer’s Decease (AD) tries to take away our words, letters, names.  Yes, it will some day.  But today, we are still alive and we can talk, we can read, write, know names, know words.  Maybe, sometimes, we need help from our  friends, family members, caregivers help us.  Sometimes, I like then to help and sometimes not.  I do not have much pride any more.  It hurts!  And then, I will remember that I am loved.  And, there are things I can do and not.  Just need to know today what can I do.

I love this Prayer:

God, Grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can.

And, the wisdom to know the different

Today, I am alive. WE are alive today!.   God will lead us and keep our focus of this day.  Not yesterday, not tomorrow!

We have been freed to go where our Higher Power takes us.

Speak Out

Speak Out  

My name is Sara and I want to thank all of you who came out today to support this event to raise funds for Alzheimer’s research.  I am so grateful to those who are here today because it gives me a chance to help get out the word about early detection. 

Alzheimer’s is the disease I have, but it is not who I am. 

Like others who are getting older, I would forget names, places, words, lose keys,or  forget / what I came into / that room to do, or missed a TV show I wanted to see.  We all do it and we all tend to laugh these things off.  I thought, / “this is normal.”  So, I let it go. 

Maybe we begin to notice these things happening more frequently.  We may blow it off.  We may become sad, depressed, mad, angry, /  wonder “why me?”, or yell.  Or maybe we don’t talk about it at all … because it is scary to think about / and even scarier to say out loud / what it is you fear. 

If you or someone you know seems to be displaying symptoms, my message to you today is:  Do not delay!  Talk to your doctor!  I waited too long. 

When I finally went to my doctor, he listened to my worries and fears.  It started a long journey of different types of doctors and lots of medical tests.  Ultimately, I met with a Geriatrics Physician who specializes in Alzheimer’s  Disease.  He was treating my mother and I asked if he would take me on as a patient.  After more examinations, he was able to confirm a diagnosis:  I have a form of Alzheimer’s  Disease. 

Believe it or not / this was good news!  I had five years of wondering what was wrong with me.  It was confirmed:  I am not crazy.  I am not stupid. 

Though there isn’t a cure, the progress of the disease can be slowed downed. 

My doctor is wonderful because he encourages our family members to participate in the discussions with him.  We had an open and honest dialogue:  What can we do now?  What’s the prognosis?  What are the next steps? 

So, my message today is:  Do not wait.  Don’t give up.  If the doctor tells you / or your loved one, “oh, you’re just getting old,” ask him to send you to another doctor for a second opinion.  If not, find another doctor on your own.  You need to be your own health advocate. 

It does take time to get the right diagnosis.  However, when we do, we are freed.  It is a liberating experience to finally know that our suspicions were correct:  There is something wrong, we now know / what it is and we can put some plans in place / while we still have time to do things. 

Now that I know, I am putting my plan in place to visit places and people, and to do things I have wanted to do.  My friends and family will be helping me to execute this plan of action for as long as I can keep going.  Even without them, I know I will never be alone, for I have a loving God on this journey with me. 

So, yes … this diagnosis was a blessing.  Now I know what is wrong with me.  Now we have a plan in place.  I know I am alive and can still do things.  I can quit my “pity party” and live my life, and help others in need.  I thank God for all these blessings. 

So, please remember:  Speak Out. 

If you have questions or start to wonder if your forgetfulness is excessive, speak to your family, your friends, any one.  If you think you might be exhibiting symptoms, speak to your doctor, to caregivers.  Speak to your Higher Power. 

And if you find you do have Alzheimer’s, start sharing your stories with others, and find friends with whom you can share what you are going through … your anger, your frustration, your love. 

Thanks to all of you who are here for the Alzheimer’s “Run for Reagan”.  Your caring can make a difference to someone you know who has been or will be diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease. 

Thank you and have a Great Run.  

 ( I spoke at Alzheimer’s Run for Reagan for Research, in Saginaw, Mi  SVSU on  4-9-11)  

Sara's First Alzheimer’s Post on a Blog

    My name is Sara, and my Alzheimer’s diagnosis was a blessing.  Around five years ago, I thought I was forgetting people’s names too often.  I knew I was getting older and that’s part of getting older … it’s just what old people do.  So, I let it go.  I dealt with this for about two years.  

Then I found I was losing words and could not get them back.  I wondered what was going on.  So, in December of 2006,  I went to my doctor to tell him about my fear.  

That started more doctors in my life.  New meds were started.  Some seemed to work,  some didn’t.  Then there were new doctors (psychiatrist, neuropsychologist, clinical and behavioral) and neuropsychological testing (CT, MRI, MRA).  The answer was:  “Dementia!”

Ouch!  OK!  What do I do?  There are so many diseases, I am just one of them.  OK, just ok.  I am not happy but what can I do.  Wait and wait! 

When I was wondering about me, my mom was diagnosed for Alzheimer’s disease.  Her doctor sent mom to a Geriatrician doctor.  He was wonderful because he knew what to do in regards to Alzheimer’s disease, such as the meds she needed, the tests she needed.  Also, he encouraged a family gathering. My sisters, brother and I were able to be with her when the doctor and nurse talked to her and to us.  Questions flew around:  “What we can do for mom?”  “What can we do for us?”  “When does she need to come back?  “What are the next steps?”  It was wonderful.

When Mom was ready to go back to her primary care physician, I asked the nurse if the geriatrician would take me on as a patient, to see if he could help me like he helped mom.  He said yes!  It took one year to get everything done right, having a PET scan as the last test. 

My husband, my mom and my sister were in the room with me that day when the doctor said:  “You have Alzheimer’s disease.”  I took a deep breath.  And I listened.  My family asked questions, and I listened.  I was scared but I did not cry.  It was good news.  I had five years of wondering what was wrong with me.  It was confirmed:  I am not crazy.  I am not stupid.  

So, yes … this diagnosis was a blessing.  Now I know what is wrong with me.  Now we have a plan in place.  I know I am alive and can still do things and go places.  I can quit my “pity party” and live my life, and help others in need.  I thank God for all these blessings.  

My first post

.HI, Not sure what I am doing!  More to come.