Thank You All

Feb  17^th

I am a member of the Community of Christ.  This denomination has churches around the World.  My congregation is in Midland, MI.  We have many in Michigan:  over 90 & a few in Canada in our area. Our Michigan President and their staff will organize classes or groups for congregations, camps, or other groups. On Friday evening I went to Flint, Mi for classes. Our group is called: S. A. L.T.   It means:  Studies in Advanced Leadership Training.  

We got to the church, I signed in, found a place to sit, class started and I sat and listened, once I did talk and most of the time I was quiet.  When I am in group it is hard to hear what is being said, if I try to talk my brain will not go fast enough to get a word out.  And I can start to write and I can’t go fast enough.  So, I just set down, put my hands down, listened and watch.  I didn’t speak much.  Went to the house, we ate and went to bed.

Feb 18^th                                                                                                                                                                               Saturday morning ,  I didn’t fell well.  When we got to the church I didn’t tell anyone that I was not well.  Instead I would say to the people:  Hi, how are you, they would say, I am ok or doing well and they would say to me:  how are you.  I said, doing all right. I lied.  I walked away and looked for a place to be alone as I started to cry.  I found the sanctuary and sat on a step under the picture of Jesus and cried with Him.  Why am I crying? I want to be here.  I want to go home.   I needed to go home.  I did not know why or how I was sick.  I did not know why I was crying and I just wanted to go home.

 I was on my knees asking God what was going on with me.  Was it my disease playing with my brain?  

I did go home.  During the night I had a dream. It was really weird. It was filled with people in my house, some out of the house, family, neighbors, dogs and friends. I was having a great time.  People were helping, some were crying, some were funny and more.  I did not care that people thought I was crazy and some people said thank you.  It was fun.  I was happy.   I woke up and realized that was a dream. Wow.  Went back to sleep and went right back in to the dream.  When it was time to get up Butch woke me up and asked me: were you talking to yourself or talking on your cell phone.  I told him, I think I was talking out loud to the people in my dream.  So this morning I was back on my knees, asking God:  What was that all about?  So, I started to think.  And, I think I got it.    It is more than being sick.  On Saturday, we went to the church for the class and I was talking back and forth to people:  Hi, how are you, doing good, knowing that I am not good.                   

Why:  I had all the books I needed for the class.  I didn’t read them, could not understand so many of words. When I want to talk I can’t get my brain to go faster to get my words out of my mouth.  It was easier to not talk yet I wanted to share with the group.

Did I want to cry, did I want to go home.  NO!  I want to be normal just as everyone else is.  On Monday, I stopped at the Alzheimer’s Association and I talked to Laura about a program for Wednesday.  Then I shared with her what happened about my crying.  Told her I broke down, she asked me how I was feeling and I said: much better.  Then said: We call it a Break Out.  Meaning that you have been holding back and it had to come out.   I need to stand up and to step up for People with Dementia and Alzheimer’s Disease.  I am very happy when I am up and about. 

I fill really good doing things in my life and I hope to help others when I can. I want to go out to those that have Dementia.  Now there are different types of Dementia, mine is:   Alzheimer’s  Disease.   I know that God is always with us.  As long as we can walk, talk, love and pray to help to get through hard times.  Share our stories of our lives now and in the past.  Talk about family, school, marriage, kids, work and loss in our lives.  Get outside when you can.  Walk, drive, call someone and ask if they want to get out also and go to the show, groceries, church or get your hair different or not.  Look up, look around.  Read the newspapers, books, magazine:  food, TV, places out of town or fly some where you want to go by yourself or take someone with you.   

My thinking for now, when I cry I will let it out until it stops, and then say:  Thank You God, where do you want me to go now.

Thank you all for your kindness, love and time, your hugs and your prayers.